How to Stop Absorbing Other People’s Energy ✧

Do you walk into a room full of people and instantly feel heavier? Do strangers randomly come up to you for advice? Do you constantly feel low on energy in social situations?

Congratulations, you’re most probably a highly sensitive person. And that’s a good thing! But if this sounds familiar, it also means you might be absorbing other people’s stuff to your own detriment.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with being an absorbent person, actually we all are. If you’re human, then you’re taking on other peoples’ stuff. But when we notice this tendency start to become our default, start to cause problems in other areas, it might be time for some introspection.

The blessing & curse of being highly sensitive

For highly sensitive people or ’empaths’ what I described is a very common experience, one that usually starts in childhood.

We can feel other people’s emotions, almost as if they were our own! We can often tell when someone is experiencing suffering or pain but isn’t being honest about it.

When people say sensitivity is a curse, I truly understand what they mean.

Feeling at the mercy of our own senses, our empathy, is consistently draining. Many times we cannot detach even if we wanted to. However, I do want to offer some hope.

When I went through my spiritual awakening I noticed that I was becoming increasingly triggered by other people. Every little thing they said or did that I felt was “off” (not authentic) felt like a knife to the heart.

I speak about this in my article on spiritual isolation.

I was already highly sensitive, but recommitting to a meditation practice intensified everything.

With time I realized I wasn’t just being triggered because of my sensitivity…but because I had repressed the deep pain and grief in my own body for so long.

Highly sensitive people are often burdened with a high responsibility, even as a child. To predict and manage other peoples’ emotions. Before we have a chance to understand our sensitivity, it is being used as a tool by others.

And what do we learn to do when this is the case? Push down everything we feel, so that we have space to help others. This follows us into adulthood.

This pattern is what I call this being the ‘energy sponge’. Where you feel it is your duty to take on other people’s stuff, often without them asking. It doesn’t feel comfortable to listen to someone express pain or talk about a problem without trying to fix things for them.

And, this doesn’t have to be the case! Wherever you fall on the spectrum, as not everyone’s sensitivity developed in harsh conditions. Sometimes we’re just accustomed through habit to intuit too deeply.

We must also be careful not to assume too much about others too. This also adds psychic weight.

Yes, even if you are highly sensitive or consider yourself an empath, you cannot actually feel other people’s emotions for them. Nor will you always be accurate in what you pick up on.

That can be saddening in one sense, but incredibly relieving and freeing in another: other people have to learn their own lessons, and there are limits on what we can do for them.

As humans we are absolutely here to help and support one another, don’t get me wrong, but we are not here to save anyone.

How to set boundaries as an empath

The quickest way to stop taking on other peoples’ energies, is to stop seeing that as your role.

Its is as simple as that, but not always easy!

Setting clear boundaries is one of the ways to do this, but often we struggle with stating our needs or feeling that we’re not worthy of them.

When I first started to work with my sensitivity I couldn’t even remember the last time I set a clear boundary! This is something we all must learn, despite how uncomfortable or alienating it can be, to tell people where we stand.

Think about a few boundaries you want to implement moving forward. What new emotional, mental, physical and spiritual boundaries are you not currently honoring but want to?

Write them down! I’ve found that is the best way to get clear on what we need and how we want to manage our energy, and the best way to stick to them.

Something I started doing a few years ago was “leaving rituals” I’ve recommended this to a client and it worked for them too.

There is usually a point in your day where you will have to assume more responsibility. Be out in the world, take on other peoples’ stuff. If you’re a busy parent this might be as soon as you open your eyes!

What I suggest is figuring out when that point is. When you wake up, when you leave the house, when you clock in to work. At these points you can remind yourself “I am happy to help but I remain centered in my own energy.”

If you have to be “on” from the moment you wake up, whether a parent or carer of some sort, this ritual can be weaved into your routine perhaps half an hour after waking. Spend even a few moments reminding yourself your energy is precious too.

I’ve found this stopped or decreases the tendency to go full energy sponge. Taking on other peoples’ energies is not as automatic, when you make this a habit.

Understand your role

One of the biggest fears we might have when we stop taking on other people’s stuff, is that we’ll allow someone to come to harm.

We’re scared that if we don’t absorb what other’s are feeling, we’ll be leaving someone who needs our help out in the cold.

As we’ve discussed, not everything we feel or pick up on is accurate. Even the most skilled intuitive readers get things wrong…I know I do from time to time 🙋🏽‍♂️

It’s also not true that the best way to help someone is to take on their stuff. Even the best therapists and doctors do not take on everything their clients are feeling.

Instead, creating space is the best way we can help people!

Space for someone to validate their own intuition and feel their own feelings, so that they can learn what that energy is trying to tell them.

You are also here to help yourself. I used to think the best way to help others was to completely drain myself, but what I’ve realized is that I help people best when I have enough energy. When there is enough to overflow out of me. One of the ways you help yourself, is by addressing the things that are coming up in the body.

Spend some time reflecting on your most intense emotion at the moment. Did something annoy you earlier in the day? Has someone said something about your character you can’t let go of? Have you truly appreciated something good that happened recently?

Meditate on this emotion, let it fill you briefly and kinda untangle it. Show yourself in real time that you deserve some of your own energy too. Make it a habit.

Ground your energy

The practice of grounding is also incredibly important for sensitives. This sometimes refers to walking barefoot on the ground barefoot in order to feel more balanced.

However here I am referring to grounding into the body more broadly, although that very literal practice is great too.

Placing a hand on your heart or directing some energy there when you are feeling overwhelmed with other people’s energies is a great start.

Affirmation & prayer

Another way to get centered in your body is through affirmation and prayer.

Affirmations are words and phrases we consistently repeat to ourselves with intention – these can be positive or negative. Affirmations then influence our subconscious mind, and as an extension of that our physical reality.

A lot of empaths are constantly affirming the negative, always zoning their awareness on it. There’s nothing wrong with being aware of the negative, however it is this excessive focus that can become unhelpful.

My sensitivity is a gift

I am grounded & centered

I am a powerful creator

You can also call back your energy after a busy day. I like to do this a few days in a row if I’m going through a particularly stressful time!

Here is a prayer I like for this purpose:

“I call my energy back from any places I’ve overextended today”

Releasing the ’empath role’

On my own path I identified with the term ’empath’ strongly. It’s not something I want or need to label myself anymore because that role no longer resonates.

The role of an empath is to stay on high alert, emotionally regulate other people and ultimately people-please. With time, you realize that you can hone your sensitivity in a much more balanced way.

We can powerfully help other people by taking a step back, making sure we are nourished, and creating a safe space for someone to express themselves if they feel comfortable.

We cannot force people to feel their emotions, get onto a better path or heal, but we can be a support if they ever choose to.

Always absorbing other people’s energy can also be a point of healing for ourselves. In trying to help others to our own detriment, we can forget that we too have pains, wounds and things to feel.

Further Reading:

How to Thrive As An Empath

Can Empaths Lose Their Sensitivity

4 Types of Empaths