When we think of a soul connection the first thing that might come to mind is the traditional soulmate. A romantic partner who comes into our life and completes us or makes us feel whole.
The idea of the soulmate can be found in almost every culture, whether or not we use that exact same terminology or frame it in the exactly the same way. The idea that there is someone out there that is perfect for us, or that is connected to us beyond the physical is everywhere. We refer to finding the one or the perfect match.
While the legitimacy of literal soul mates is up for debate, there is no doubt that many people find their ‘perfect match’.
However soul connections can be even broader, we can find soul connections with friends, family, our pets, the list goes on.
In this post I want to clarify what a soul mate or soul connection is, plus how to identify one.
What is a soul?
Before we go over what a soul connection is I think it makes sense to discuss what a ‘soul’ is.
In one of my meditations I asked ‘What is a soul’ and got the image of a pair of crystals vibrating at a specific frequency. Some crystals would pull closer together while others would push apart – there was a resonance or dissonance.
I think it’s important to note that when we discuss the soul we are describing something that is far beyond human language and concepts. A soul doesn’t lack anything; it doesn’t need anything to come along and complete it. However our human selves tend to lean that way.
When we get an idea of what a soul is, this can only be taken as a very rough, incomplete idea. When we feel a soul connection this is more accurately with someone’s soul essence: the aspect of a person’s soul which is most truly embodied and integrated.
What is a soul connection?
A soul connection is one that comes without the usual distortion.
A soul connection is one where we see ourselves reflected clearly in another person. They hear and see us clearer, there are less projections. This isn’t to say that soul connections are ‘perfect’ or anything like that, rather that they encourages us to grow rather than devolve.
We are humans after all, no relationship is perfect. We all have wounds, blindspots, varying preferences, this doesn’t go away just because we are connected on a deeper level, it’s just that we move through the differences with more ease and acceptance.
Types of soul connection
There are many types of soul connection and some that you might already be familiar with. The most common and one we’ve already discussed is the soul mate.
A soul mate is believed to be the other half to our soul, someone who completes us in everyway, someone who we are destined to meet in this lifetime. However we have already talked about why this cultural ideal of the soulmate is incomplete.
A soul mate is really someone who reflects our true soul essence back to us. They support us in bringing out our best qualities, in navigating our own stuff, in cultivating self love.
A soul mate is not someone who is literally perfect for us in every single way, but who we can grow with honestly and authentically. The key element of a soul mate connection is that it feels incredibly peaceful and safe.
The next type of soul connection is the ‘karmic partner’. This is someone who you chose to work on resolving karma with in this lifetime.
This soul connection can include any type of relationship, romantic, friendship, familial. These connections can invoke deep healing and transformation like the twin flame connection, however karmic partners tend to leave our lives at a defined point (when the lesson is learned), there isn’t the same chaser and runner dynamic.
Further Reading: 4 Signs Of a Karmic Relationship
Another type of soul connection is the twin flame.
Twin flames are defined similarly to soulmates in that they are seen as one soul split into two bodies, however the difference is that twin flame relationships are much more passionate and fiery. While the soulmate is someone who soothes and calms our spirit, the twin flame dynamic is incredibly intense.
Twin flames push us to our limits, that sparks a deep expansion, transformation and healing. These dynamics are often compared to abusive relationships, where there is a heavy push and pull dynamic with codependency rather than true connection.
Twin flame relationships are discussed as having a chaser and a runner, with the expectation that you’ll have to fight for your twin flame, to keep the connection alive, regardless of how much it hurts.
While genuine twin flame relationships might exist, more often people are mistaking an abusive or codependent dynamic for a twin flame. Particualrly when the attraction is one-sided, using the concept of twin flames as a justification to persistently chase this other person.
Overall I think we get way too caught up in the labels here, especially when talking about romantic relationships. We get caught up in the cultural expectation of finding a relationship which is somehow perfect, that completes us in every way. This can be a spiritualization of this expectation.
Or where we are so set on being with a particular person or justifying unhealthy dynamics that we utilize a spiritual explaination to avoid moving on or letting go.
4 signs of a soul connection
- A familiarity, as if you were reconnecting with an old friend
- An ease and comfortable rhythm
- Time and distance doesn’t hinder the relationship
- There is a intuitive/deeper knowing
How to find a soul connection
The topic of soul connections came up when I did tarot readings more often. We are talking about soulmates, twin flames, karmic partners and other ‘soul connections’.
I didn’t expect to receive so many questions specifically about twin flames, and I learned a lot about this dynamic through the readings I did.
What I found was that a lot of people place far too much pressure on themselves to find a soul connection, and far too many expectations on those who they believe were their twin flame or soulmate.
It’s very hard to not overthink things when you have finding your soul mate or twin flame as a set goal. It becomes confusing to discern where there is an actual connection versus when you just want that connection strongly.
A soul connection is more often than not, a connection that comes with such a natural flow that these labels don’t even feel necessary.
Going into relationships with honesty about our ideals is best for us so that we know what we getting ourselves into, and for others so that we do not unfairly hold them to impossible standards or place them on a pedestal.
Get to know yourself
Keeping in mind what I just said, the most important step in finding a soul connection or soulmate is to get to know yourself…even if you think you already do.
We all have a shadow side. This is the part of our psyche which we would rather pretend didn’t exist. Our limits and weaknesses, unhealthy compulsions and habits, negative ways of being and thinking.
Shadow work is the process of making this unconscious side conscious; bringing the shadow into light if you will. We can do shadow work through introspective exercises like mindfulness and meditation, or writing our intentions down and reflecting on them.
In a relationship our shadows are put under a microscope. Whatever move we make directly affects the other person, and if we aren’t aware of what is motivating us, a (healthy) relationship is not likely to last.
Get to know your motivations as it comes to relationship. What do you need and want from a connection? What do you want to receive but also what can you give? What do you allow in your relationships? How does it feel to set boundaries when necessary?
Set an intention
I talk about setting intentions all the time because so often we think we know what we want, when really we’ve only created a vague idea in the mind.
Get your expectations and ideas of how closeness in friendship, business or romance would look onto paper again. Writing, journaling specifically, is such a great way to clarify things for yourself.
As it comes to romance I don’t recommend trying to manifest a specific person. This often leads us to hyper-focus in on one person, and lose the objectivity we have about them.
Instead, it’s much more helpful to pinpoint the type of person you are looking to attract. What qualities they would have, even how they would look. Get specific with it.
As you set these intentions and start to meet these types of people, you can consider your work done or reconsider your desires and priorities based on these new experiences. Setting new intentions and allowing things to be fluid.
Break old patterns
Often when I do a reading on soul connections and finding them the people I’m advising struggle with picking between one or two potential options.
We can often get so fixated on being with a specific person that we limit the opportunities available to us. More generally speaking, we forget there are an abundance of avenues we can meet people through.
Switching up your routine from time to time is a great way to get out of this stagnancy. Beyond just actions, shifting our mindset and way of thinking.
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