How To Break the Cycle of Self Sabotage

If you’re on this blog post then I assume you’ve identified the little tricky monster that is self sabotage in yourself, and want to make a change!

I’ve tackled this dynamic in myself over the last few years and I think ‘self sabotage’ has somewhat of a bad rep.

We so often receive good things, good opportunities, meet great people, only to ruin those things for ourselves as quickly as we received them. At times it can feel we have no other option.

Self sabotaging tendencies don’t just pop up out of nowhere…most people don’t intentionally want to destroy their own lives. With a better understanding of what self sabotage is and why it happens, I think most people can overcome this shadow.

Why do we self sabotage?

There are many reasons why we might self sabotage, so today I am just talking to the dynamics I have personally dealt with and those I’ve witnessed in my tarot clients.

Self sabotage for me was about protecting myself.

I didn’t want to ruin my own life, I just wanted to protect myself in a way I hadn’t been protected before – from hardships and disappointments.

For a lot of us who self sabotage this pattern started way before we were even conscious, before we had any agency or an individual identity.

We weren’t put into positions where success had any benefit to begin with. We weren’t supported, affirmed, or given unconditional love when we made mistakes of ‘failed’.

We were likely unsupported in our successes or had them quite deliberately sabotaged by the authority figures in our lives, and cricitized whenever we failed.

Once we reach adulthood success doesn’t have the sparkle it might. We don’t strive for success, but we try our hardest to avoid failure.

Often this means, doing nothing at all.

We are protecting ourselves from many of the things we should have been protected from, but now we are protecting ourselves too much.

Shifting the energy of self sabotage

Self sabotage is staying where you are, even if that is an uncomfortable or unhealthy spot.

One thing I’ve noticed in myself battling these dynamics and those I work with, is that people who self sabotage or not ‘weak’ or even will-less. People who self sabotage are often very persistent in what they do focus on!

Another reason we self sabotage is because we have what we may call a ‘vibrational set point’.

This is a vibration that we are comfortable embodying. Quite literally, our body feels comfortable acting out a specific set of actions/routines.

Stepping beyond this feels like walking through mud, and we retreat to what is comfortable.

When we are stepping into a new identity, a new vibration, we create a void behind us. If we are not careful, if we do not build enough momentum, we’ll just fall back into that space.

So how do you overcome this pull? Of old habits, beliefs and limitations?

You do it slowly and consistently, through affirming who you are/becoming, what you are capable of and what you want to experience.

Building new habits

Breaking the cycle of self sabotage is about building more and more self-trust.

We’re not going to do new things consistently if we don’t trust ourselves. Force and will only go so far, you have to believe that these new habits you want to embody are in reach.

So focus on breaking down the habit you want to build into its smallest components.

If you want to start journaling, begin with completing just one line a day not a whole page.

If you want to start an fitness routine, begin with ten minutes of exercise (perhaps just at home) not a whole hour.

If you want to be healthier, begin with drinking one cup of water in the morning everyday not a whole regime.

Remind yourself often there is no ‘failure’ in building something new. You’re not trying to prove anything to anyone else. You’re doing this in your own space and on your own timeline.

If you forget a day….or a month…just go right back to it. You build momentum, however small, before you create a whole new lifestyle.

Affirmations for self sabotage

Affirmations have been a big help for me is breaking through self sabotage. The way we speak to ourselves changes everything.

You are creating a new vibrational set point for yourself that goes beyond your comfort zone.

These are all great starting points for releasing imposter syndrome, fear, and self sabotage:

I am divinely supported and guided

I am capable of _____

I am choosing to create ______

I am ready for change

I am open to ______

I trust the step I take in line with my intuition

I allow (positive trait) to grow within me

I enjoy taking up space in _____ way

I am worthy of ______

I do _____ well and people appreciate my work/being

Affirmations can seem trite when we first begin, because a lot of the time we won’t really believe them to be true. This can feel like dishonesty or lying, and I’m not encouraging that.

If an affirmation feels like lying then move onto another. It’s all about getting the wording right and remembering, you aren’t always affirming what you currently experience or know – but a part of you, you know you can grow into.

Some limiting beliefs I’ve worked on for months or years before finally breaking through. These patterns have taken years, sometimes decades to form, they’re likely not going to release overnight.

Knowing that you are worth the time, you deserve your own patience is an important part of stopping self sabotage.

Because so often we sabotage things that are not coming together quick enough.

Yes this can be due to pure impatience, but most of the time there is some fear underneath that tension. Fear that if you do stay the course, you’ll surprise yourself in ways you don’t quite feel comfortable with yet.

You’re not trying to outrun yourself or success overnight, you’re acknowledging that you deserve the care and dedication you were solemn given.